God Drives one of These....

"Driven by Enthusiasm" (diggatron) 04/28/2015 at 14:05 • Filed to: None

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I’ve driven Porsche’s before. I’ve driven lots of Porsche’s before. The 914, the 928, the 944 (Turbo, S2, and I own a naturally aspirated single cam), my son will take over the very 924 that I personally learned to drive a manual on. I’ve been sideways in various Boxter’s (2.5, 2.7, 3.2 liter “S”), I’ve even driven the wonderful Caymen R (Thank you, Ken!).

The 911 has always held a spot in my heart that no other car can occupy. Not that there isn’t a better car made (The Mclaren MP4-12c is maybe the most perfect car that I have driven....yet), it’s just that no other car is or can be a 911. By all rights, it shouldn’t work as well as it does. Its iconic, easily recognizable shape is dictated by its physics-defying oddity: The engine hangs out past the rear axle... ‘nuff said. This car shouldn’t work as well around corner’s as it does. Apparently, nobody told the 911 this, and it continues to captivate not only this writer, but legions of rabid loyalist the world over. Its combination of unique styling, sonorous flat six, and handling that requires your full attention makes this car an experience... not merely a drive.

But that’s normal 911’s.

This is no normal 911.

This isn’t even a car.

This is crack cocaine.

Welcome to the 911 GT3 (991 Chassis). It’s the Saber-Toothed Tiger to your tabby cat. It’s the Super Bowl to your Pop Warner football league, It’s the F-22 Raptor to your Cessna crop duster. Hyperbolic speech notwithstanding, the GT3 stands very near the top of the 911 food chain. Definitely at the top of the naturally aspirated 911 food chain (That is, until its even more brutal 4.0 big brother... the 911 GT3 RS bows in next year). We won’t discuss the turbo cars because, well...., take your “Saber-Toothed Tiger”, and raise it by a factor of Godzilla.

The aforementioned natural (see also: no turbo’s or supercharger’s for you non-car guy types) 3.8 liter flat six develop’s 469 hp. Stop. Let that sink in for a moment. I could stop there, go home and call it a day with that fact alone. For the technical: that is 123 hp per liter.... its got 3.8 of those said “liter” thingy’s. That is nearly 500 ponie’s from a SIX CYLINDER. Spencer’s wonderful supercharged GT500 made 500.... and had more of those liter deals.... and some un-natural aspiration.....and a couple more cylinders to boot. Apparently, this engine was co-developed with Keebler Elves, this is the only way that I can explain the magic that is happening under the hood to make that kind of power. We’ll come back to that “hood” topic in a moment.

My arm was twisted to drive the car. “Here! Take the keys!”, exclaimed the owner of the car. “I can’t take your car, sir,” I said. “Listen, you’re a friend of Rob’s, you track a Porsche, you are driving this car!” “Ok.... but you can’t make me like it!!!” I never said that last part, but it sounded good.

The first thing you notice is the large center-lock wheels framing gigantic 16.1” Carbon Ceramic brake rotors and six piston calipers. This is not a normal street car.... the center-lock wheel is formula car type stuff. You approach this car with the same respect as when you approach anything that is muscular, and intimidating. Not intimidating like it’ll beat you up (although, it might), but with the type of trepidation that says, “now.... you know you can’t replace this, right?” Things become predictable for a moment: The left of the steering wheel ignition switch, the strictly business... almost stuffy, german buttoned down interior. You can almost see the never-smiling engineer deciding where this stuff should go on the dash. The attention to detail is typical of this brand. I did enjoy the Alcantera bits on the shifter (PDK is the only option, by the way. A hearty “SHUT UP” to the purist who whine about the lack of manual.... you will drive it and you will like it. That is all you get.).

In the moments needed for your brain to fire off the electrical signals that tell your left hand to twist the key in the ignition, I reflect on the fact that I have made some really right decisions in my life that have led me to this moment. I work at the right place, I am friends with the right people, and have obviously said the right things that have led the owner of this car to not only give me his keys, but say that he is not going with me. He wants me to be relaxed while driving his prized possession. Ignition brings the animal to the surface. An almost alien cacophony. Its familiar to me... distinctly Porsche. The clatter of drivetrain, the baritone exhaust pulse, a quick snap of the throttle creates a sharp bark from the pipes. This is a violent symphony.

Moving through traffic makes you eerily self-conscious. Your both trying to not attract attention to yourself, al the while driving a car that screams for looks. Do not pick your nose in this one. Authoritative stomps on the accelerator force the monster to switch modes in the exhaust. Moving from a subdued rumble, to a Supercar worthy shriek. This car rockets to the 9k RPM redline. Its one of the best car noises that I have ever heard.

Be on your game, though. The car forces you to drive it. It is not just a pretty face. Grab a gear, get a gear with the PDK paddle shifter. I have yet to experience a faster shift. Borderline telepathic. Seven speeds... exotic car stuff. Acceleration? Have you ever had a bucket of ice cold water dumped on you un-suspected? Same reaction. Surprise, and deep gasping breath. You turn off the stereo in this car. Who cares about that crap. you are in control of the tempo and tone of some of the best music that you have heard. You are the conductor in this concert.... controlled by your foot that is mashing the large peddle on the right.

Handling is immediate. The brakes are the equivalent of warp.... in reverse. The car seems to yell back to you that it is more capable than you are. Levels of grip are insane. Was it the fact that this car is north of $100k ($130k... BASE, to be exact) that I didn’t explore the upper-room limits of this one? I can’t deny that was a factor. Curbs come your way quick with this one. I don’t even want to know the cost associated with repair here. Remember: You approach this animal with respect. This was an unexpected gift today, and I’m too chicken when driving cars in this tax bracket.

My only gripe? You can’t see the blasted engine. Open up the hood (the “trunk” in most cars), and you are greeted by two small cooling fans. Thats it. I would want to see the face of the magician that launches this car forward. Its a slight that I would happily live with. I will forever be a fan. I am not worthy..... you probably aren’t either.

Galileo Humpkins (aka MC Clap Yo Handz) > Driven by Enthusiasm 04/28/2015 at 14:07

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K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Driven by Enthusiasm 04/28/2015 at 14:15

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My only gripe? You can’t see the blasted engine. Open up the hood (the “trunk” in most cars), and you are greeted by two small cooling fans. Thats it. I would want to see the face of the magician that launches this car forward.

THIS! ALL OF THIS! I want to see the bloody engine! But given Porsche’s modern demographic of buyers, I imagine it’s the last thing on their minds or what they want to see. It’s one of the reasons I stated in a post that the 991 wasn’t my kind of 911. The GT3 and GT3RS get a nod because they’re batshit insane cocaine, but the rest of the bunch will get no forgiveness from me.

I like seeing the engines and wish they still cost as much when my dad bought his in the 70s, ya know how much his ‘74 was new when he bought it? $16k, a regular base 911 coupe, and how much is a base Carrera now? $84 freaking thousand dollars!! Why can’t they make a more affordable one that isn’t the Cayman? Oh I could go on all day, but I digress. I’m just waiting to get a 996 cheap one day.

Execllent post, and hello other 944 owner who I’ve not seen before! What year is yours?

BoxerFanatic, troublesome iconoclast. > Driven by Enthusiasm 04/28/2015 at 14:26

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Fantastic review.

You may work at the right place... but perhaps you should work at a place that actually reviews cars.

I was enthralled.

Driven by Enthusiasm > BoxerFanatic, troublesome iconoclast. 04/28/2015 at 15:11

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Thank you very much for the kind words!

Driven by Enthusiasm > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 04/28/2015 at 15:18

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Thanks for validating my post. I didn’t think I was crazy with what I thought about Porsche not showing off the jewels under the hood.

My 944 is an ‘84 model. Just running it in the slow guys class with PCA.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Driven by Enthusiasm 04/28/2015 at 15:26

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Mines an ‘84 as well! Love it to death. It’s not crazy, it’s common courtesy to be able to see the engine. Even the 996 and 997 look somewhat appealing. We want to see then engine, why we can’t, I have no idea. But the 991 is the least “original 911” ever as it currently stands, future 911s will continue to move further away from what we think a 911 should be.

AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC > Driven by Enthusiasm 04/28/2015 at 15:31

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Your review was absolutely superb. I loved the hyperbole and description of the exhaust. Made me feel like I was there.

AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC > Driven by Enthusiasm 04/28/2015 at 15:34

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Perfect touch. Something about a turned wheel showing off the caster angle is so arousing like when a lady takes a step in a long maxi dress and you get a glimpse of her ankle.

Driven by Enthusiasm > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 04/28/2015 at 16:34

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I'm going to buck the trend and take advantage of the dirt cheap pricing of the 996. I'll move past the snobbery, get one, and fix the IMS/RMS myself.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Driven by Enthusiasm 04/28/2015 at 16:38

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That’s the spirit! I will do likewise once I can comfortably afford to do so!

Driven by Enthusiasm > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 04/28/2015 at 20:48

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Man! You've got a real way with your descriptions of things! LOL!!!

DrScientist > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 06/15/2015 at 19:43

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i know this is an older post, but it came up in the popular posts...

anyway, 16k in 1974 is around 76k today with inflation.

Nick George > Driven by Enthusiasm 06/19/2015 at 22:57

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If I could have any car in the world, a 991 GT3 would be it.

TA4K > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 06/20/2015 at 00:47

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If it makes you feel any better/worse, the GT3 Cup has a visible engine... after you unbolt the wing since it isn’t attached to the hinged lid like every other GT3 cup before it. Silly design I think for mid race stuff, even if it means the wing transfers more direct force.

904 GTS > K-Roll-PorscheTamer 06/20/2015 at 00:57

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Here, an GT3RS engine for your viewing pleasure -

LongbowMkII > Driven by Enthusiasm 06/20/2015 at 08:49

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I know they are obscenely strong and light but the spokes...they look so.... dainty.

pellejuice > Driven by Enthusiasm 06/20/2015 at 10:22

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I just did that myself... Bought an ‘03 C4S in December, fixed the IMS, and now I daily a Porsche 911 for Subaru money...

WichitaDisciple > Driven by Enthusiasm 06/20/2015 at 18:35

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Play it again, maestro! Encore!!!

MaxM > Driven by Enthusiasm 06/21/2015 at 11:08

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this GT3 doesn’t have the Carbon Ceramic brakes

DirtMifflin > Driven by Enthusiasm 06/23/2015 at 02:07

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I’m going to apologize now. For a reason, I will apologize. That reason is that I am potentially an enormous jerk. I may be a jerk.

You can’t use commas as you have. It’s not ponie’s, it’s just fucking ponies. Man up and learn grammar, you’re exposed to people like me, and it’s only going to get worse from here.

I couldn’t read the rest of your article because your writing was driving me insane like crab footed drivers would feel about vertically oriented pedals.

DirtMifflin > DirtMifflin 06/23/2015 at 02:16

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I just tried to read the rest of it. I stopped at “Who cares about that crap.”

That should have a question mark, WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU PURPORTING TO UNDERSTAND AND BE ABLE TO CONVEY A STORY THROUGH THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE?

Are you getting paid for this? If so, where do I sign up so I can make you the irrelevant and forgotten past of car culture cum written word? I can spin a pretty good tale about the last time I drove a Porsche, nevermind the time before that.

DirtMifflin > DirtMifflin 06/23/2015 at 02:20

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OMG it’s Cayman, not Caymen, is anyone reading this?

Driven by Enthusiasm > DirtMifflin 07/01/2015 at 16:22

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Whether you apologize up front or not, it doesn't give you the clearance to respond the way that you do. I don't know you, but you clearly wish to start drama with me. If you want to have a sane conversation then let's talk. Otherwise, the Internet is a big place... Go troll somewhere else.